A DREAMER'S PRAYER

Part 2

The magnitude of this dream I know not, maybe just you and the devil might know, but I look not to ask the devil for favours before I exhaust all my options with You, oh God. Hitherto, my entire existence has been structured, systematic and possibly even a lie. So no more shall I look to buy time, for I have wasted enough hours to let some more pass me by. So on this day, and every other day henceforth, let me be able to nullify this mental block that tries to nest in this mind. Doesn't this filth obstacle not know the bore it lay on a fragile heart fuelled by pure passion and purpose? I wish to be able to twist its slimy throat between my mortal fingers. I was built for this, and no hinderance can stall nor hold hostage anymore this ball of resilience, for this body is a host of eminent legacy. I won't stop the chase so as to appease my lazy alter ego, for I have wasted enough time being a slouch to give up this new-found, relieving purpose and focus. Lord, don't let me let myself die before I let this dream out, for it pulls me, draws me with a force stronger than a magnetic attraction and failure to try and reach it will be the ultimate failure and letdown to, not just myself but to everyone with high expectations of me, and most importantly you. Would you want that? Then give me the strength. My bones are hollow and fractured. My muscles are cramped. My brain is dead, my spirit is broken. My last ounce of strength is spent and now my fingers can no longer hold. My eyes are dimming. I am sick and weary. Wornout and deadbeat. Yet I can't stop this dream from happening. It'a all over me, Dear God, like some kind of disease, like a compulsive habit that I cannot rid myself of and one that I surely wouldn't want to rid myself of even if I had that power. Even at my most laguid and indolent, it creeps up on me, swarm me like critters of prey on a prey. Its malignancy is as potent as cancerous growth. Let me put it out there, Dear God, before  it bursts out of the seams of my thoroughly incapacitated body and leave me a shell of putrification.

No Dear God, I am not asking you to lay it for me on a silver platter. All I am asking for is the strength. I want to hold on just a little longer, push just a little harder, to do it just a little better, to weather the extremes just a bit more courageously, yet I know, all that cannot and will not happen if the only thing I keep doing is keeping on dreaming. I set out to meet these expectations and surpass them and I call upon you to hold my hand and guide me to safety. I am a mess, but I wouldn't want to die a mess that failed to heed when summoned to righten wrongs.

So help me God. I may not be religious, but my belief in You is steadfast, and I know You believe in me too. So I ask that You see me through and bless all that I do.

Amen.

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