WHY DO WE CHEAT IN RELATIONSHIPS?

So goes the million dollar question. But is the question as complex as we make it or is it so easy to answer that we would rather not admit it?

With the rise in HIV infections in marriages, most of us have really found a legitimate ground to question the sanity of marriage. With more people in the life-long commitment getting into the mpango wa kando (clandestine relationships) phenomenon, it seems as though getting married now acts as a front to hide the cesspit of sexual decadence many would wish to keep secret. But why? Why would we commit to someone only to turn on them faster than Flash on a free ride down a slope? How bad could they have gotten since the first time we saw them?

'Relationship experts' have tried answering the question so many times but it seems they too perhaps think too much. For anyone who has ever been in a relationship, one can attest that when caught eating from the wrong plate, there is no shortage of a myriad of reasons. My spouse didn't do this or that, my marriage has lost taste, sex with my wife/husband is boring and so many more flimsy excuses that usually make you want to slap someone. Which brings me to the topic - why do we cheat?

Answer : because we can. And we all know that. Any reason given when the caught is only but an excuse. Cheating happens because there is choice. While cultural inertia, upbringing, personality e.t.c do play a part, at the end of the day, the choice is what determines the action.  And there is no easier action to take when the marriage hits the rocks than to seek solace elsewhere. It's the easy way out and most of us  appreciate an easier route if it will help us get what we want( which is why we cheat in exams too. I'm guilty of this one, sorry).

Relationships are hard work, even if you are Romeo and Julliet, and committing single-mindedly to that one person you chose (choice again!) is even harder. How to succeed in relationships and marriages is no different from how to succeed in any other field. It's success you seek after all. While the area of application may be different, the tips to succeed are all from the same copy book - hard work, persistence, re-invention e.t.c.

There is not a list of things that make people cheat. People cheat because cheating and choosing to cheat exist and unless a study shows it's actually a mental disease, its something that we can all do, if we choose to that is. And remaining faithful is a choice too.

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Photo : courtesy

WHY FIVE SHOULD BE LAST FOR MESSI

The greatest ever? That is the feeling here. While critics may find fault in the lack of a World Cup in his trophy cabinet, there is no denying that Lionel Messi has dominated the modern game in ways no one else has and no one else might.

When he claimed a debut win of the prized individual award in Zurich on a cold evening on December 1st in 2009, few would have expected the unprecedented run of three more successive wins that followed. At twenty two then, Messi had shown great promise to earn the monicker 'one of the best of his generation' yet, when he claimed his fifth Ballon d'or on Monday the 11th 2016, it has set tongues rolling, further putting to boil the debate of whether he is the greatest of the sport or merely one of the hallmarks.

For Messi though, the debates are pointless, as, by his own admission, he would trade the five of them for a World Cup. But Messi should have no doubts, he is defining an era in ways no other player has and in winning the fifth Ballon d'or, a milestone in a game that has seen Edison Arantes (Pele), Diego Maradonna, Johan Cruyff, Michel Platini and more, Messi has shown he belongs to the class of the elite; a legend, a collosus and and an eternal footprint. It is this that should make him consider handing his future Ballon d'Or wins to an up coming player.

A truth that will hold is that, as long as Messi keeps his mercurial performances constantly mercurial, not even the excellent human in second will come close to claiming the Ballon d'Or. Cristiano Ronaldo does his best, and at his best he is in his own league, yet even he, the supposed rival to Messi, has been left nipping at his heels not only in Ballon d'Or wins but also in trophies won throughout their respective careers.

Messi is great, and he knows that. Which is why he should maybe consider turning down future Ballon d'Or wins. It is not so as to be 'a good person' or to hand a platform on a silver plata to new players but as an acknowledgement of his own status. Truth is, very few players at their best can match Messi at his best. This then leaves their chances of winning the Ballon d'Or at almost nill, just ask Manuel Neuer, probably the best keeper of his generation and the best player of 2010 in many people's eyes. There comes a time when turning down plaudits, after receiving many similar ones in the past, is a show of greatness. For Messi, his own incredible path has already outlived him. Alongside Cristiano, these two have shattered virtually all scoring records in football. Messi has won the Golden ball five times. He should consider handing away his future win so as to give newer players an opportunity to try and wrestle the title. It is highly dubious that they will succeed, but even if they do, Messi's status as an icon cannot be rubbed off. He is a landmark in modern football. We need more like him, but we can't have them if his shadow looms over them like a dark cloud.

Photo : m.heraldscotland.com/sport

THE MENTAL SHIFT OF THE TURN OF A CALENDER

Hi there beautiful people. Sorry for the lengthened silence. Lets just say the holidays got me. I hope they have been nothing short of breathtaking on your end. But anyway, I have crawled back from the self-imposed silence exile and as usual have emerged with a thought nurtured by my time in darkness. Why is it that a new year elicits so much excitement and hope despite the fact that it is only a flip of a calender?

All the trite of new year resoultions, higher expectations. Is the dawn of the 1st of January really a cause for celebration or just a façade of new beginnings with hardly any newness to it?

Whichever way one looks at it, the new year is bound to always elicit some freshness and jubilation in any one human and alive enough to experience it, even to cynics and skeptics like me. There is always a certain mystic and charm of a fresh year that goes just beyond the flip of the calender. A new year is like a new day - it offers its own unique enigma and with so many days ahead, offers us a chance to make it.

While the act of flipping over the calender is a simple one, the shift of attitude and character that we so often wish to carry over to the new year certainly requires more than a desire or wish. Just like how you plan your day ahead, making plans for the new year late in the year preceding is vital. This not only enables you curve ways to achieve the intended targets, it also allows you time to go through the targets and correct them where neccesary or be more specific with what you want to achieve as well as laying the concrete plans on how you want to achieve it.

The reason many new year resolutions fail before even day two is usually because most are made on a whim, a moment's spark based on a previous or maybe recurrent desire. Just because you have been wanting to do something doesn't mean your brain will automatically respond to the sudden wish to change momentum. The brain is a little bastard. It loves status quo. Unless change is introduced slowly until it settles into rythm, it will always reject whatever we wish to impose. That is why it is said 'Practice makes perfect'. The tiny goo that is our brain often needs a little firm prodding so as to get off that lazy ass we so often allow it to slump into.

Another reason they fail miserably on their belly is because we so often want to do them all at once. Multi-tasking, they say. Well, multi-tasking lowers productivity. Confusing the brain on what to do means you never concentrate on a single task hence never complete it and if you do complete it, then it's not well done. The best way to finish tasks is to do them one by one, in order of priorities. Hard, but doable. Offer your full keenness on one task and do it well. The results will be stupendous. But like everything, the brain will need conditioning through consistency to pick this up too.

A new year is like a fresh page - it offers you an empty space to fill. But just because space is there doesn't translate then to a sudden influx of knowledge on what to do with it. You will need to give your brain what to work with beforehand and you will need to have lain down an outline, even if it is just in your head for a start. Have a silhouette so as you know how to draw the body. Striking blindly is what leads to burn out and loss of motivation hence leaving most of us feeling dreary and jaded by February. An outline is a motivation on itself with the other being a vision of who we want to be.

A new year resolution is never the solution anyway. True, it offers a 'a new possibility' but as a writer, I know a fresh page doesn't automatically translate to the thoughts being any kinder. Often times, as long as the idea is there, a  firm push is all it needs, a little grit. It's all in the head. Your desire and mentality determine your actions. You want change, you start to work on it as soon as possible. It doesn't matter what. A change could happen on March 23rd or on December 28th. It could happen within the year you wish it to or it could carry on into the succeeding year. The thing is not to expect miracles just because we desire or just because we have faith. Action. That's all it takes. The first step is the most important. And the first step is to realise you don't need a new year to make a change. Start now. There isn't much time.