THE PROBLEM OF WE, MEN

In this new world, men have come under criticism from the womenfolk for being tad a bit too soft or unmanly. It seems to be true even as we remain impassioned to the claim and we ought to take action because there is cause for concern that the views by our women are true.

It is pertinent that we stop blaming feminism for our failed masculinity. Women are not to blame. We, men, are the culpable party.

Following ground breaking progress that we have witnessed and even been part of in the past two or three decades, and with a projection of even greater strides ahead, it is unfortunate that we still insist on raising our boys the same way our grandfathers' grandfathers were raised. In that era of yore, it was definitly encouraged right from birth that bossing women was not just a choice but nature. Afterall women then were viewed as discounts of humanity. It was easier to get women to do things for you by either shouting, demeaning or even beating her. In fact the latter was encouraged and perpetuated by inaction against the offenders. And the women then knew no better, taking it wholeheartedly.

Between then and now, however, there has been a paradigm shift in policies and values, in views and beliefs and in reason and behaviour. Women have learnt to stand up and fight for their rights. For the right to be treated, not as equal to men, but in a fair manner as productive and important members of society. The modern woman today is independent, vocal, visionary, educated, enlightened, empowered. She epitomises the strides humanity has made. However, the trouble is that we have remained relatively left behind as men.  The seismic shift seems like a gaping hole we somehow glided over blindfolded, in our partriachial parachutes.

Feminism is not the death of masculinity. Indeed we should see it as a compliment to us. It has exposed the shortfalls of the partriachial, male chauvanistic society from whose perilous grasps we have emerged. Hitherto, men have been used to being unchallenged. Whether deserving or not, honour was bestowed unto us by virtue of our sex. We were fathers but never raised the child(ren). Some of us were lazy yet slept well fed. We beat women but suffered no consequence. The meteoric rise of women has caught us flat footed. Reason is that, while many older women have been at task trying to raise girls above the shackles of a traditional society, the older of us have remained nonplussed, foolishly believing that the tradition serves us well. There are few, if at all any, mentorship programmes for young boys on how to be and act in this modern world, especially on how to handle the modern woman. As before, we seem to expect our boys to totter and stumble about and somehow find their way somewhere along the way. Don't cite examples of how you turned out fine yet you blundered your way blindly to adulthood. Chances are, most of us aren't even as well adjusted as we would like to believe or deceive ourselves. How would it feel to marry a woman who earns more than you? What do you think of a man that earns less than his wife? We feel threatened by women who earn more, hold higher positions than us. Yet we shouldn't be. A woman will always want a man that leads no matter her position in her career. Unfortunately, there is not many of us out here who can wrest the initiative. We want things delivered at our feet like before yet all that is gone. More and more women are beginning to earn more than us and there is no reversal. 

It is no secret and if it is then it is a well known one. We need to change how we raise our boys now. The reason women bemoan men of today is because we have remained in yesterday. As a man raised 'the traditional' way, when you meet a woman who challenges you, your whole world is thrown upside down, like your whole universe has crossed dimensions into another existance. So you try and impose your ways on her only to find her unwilling to baulk at your force. Truth is women have never been okay with the brawl. It was fear that kept them quiet all those years. Now they are more enlightened, empowered and dare I say, better than the women of yesterday. It is time we began raising our boys and mentoring our young men on how to embrace responsibility and the new dawn of femininity. Most of us men were raised badly. Many of us were not raised but just staggered into adulthood without attaining maturity. It is difficult to change the monkey of old. Instead why not the mature of us begin to mentor boys to be men. Real men.

For us to shed this tag of 'modern men are weak', we need to begin by raising responsible boys, boys capable of being men, men capable of handling the modern woman, a woman who does not look to be completed but rather, to be complemented. For us to pay them the complements that will make them swoon, we need to be on the same page as them.  Lets start now. Its urgent!

On an unrelated note: congragulations Konzolo for the birth of your son, Ambuzi. May you raise him to be a Real Man.